Snape's Nightmares
by cissymalfoy
Summary: From my archives, a short Snape piece.  Sleeping, perchance to dream...what does the Potions Master dream of?  Spoilers only through HBP.


_"Not Harry! Not Harry! Please—I'll do anything…"_

A young witch stands guard over a baby's crib, pleading, her lovely green eyes filled with tears…

_"Stand aside. Stand aside!"_

"_Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"_

She does not move, standing protectively over the crib, the sleeping infant…

_"Stand aside, you silly girl…stand aside, now…" "Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead—"_

High-pitched laughter fills the room as a green flash of light rushes through the air. The screaming stops abruptly, as the body of the witch falls to the ground. Her brilliant emerald eyes remain open, staring at nothing…

I wake gasping for breath and shaking, sitting upright in bed, reaching outward. Reaching towards Lily. It's a familiar nightmare, one I've had for the last fifteen years. At least I didn't wake screaming this time, which is why I always Imperturbable Charm my bedchamber. Pushing my hair out of my face, I take several deep breaths, trying to calm my pounding heart. Trying to clear the sound of Lily's screams out of my ears. This dream has become more horridly vivid since I attempted to teach Potter Occlumency last year. As young as he was, he retained a memory of that night, one that I saw, that burned deep into my brain.

I throw back the sheets to pace around the room. Tired as I am already, I can only hope to exhaust myself to sleep deeply with no dreaming. Sometimes I wonder why it is that I do not go mad, living this life. Dancing attendance on the Dark Lord, jumping to Dumbledore's calls, teaching, being Head of House; I truly wonder that I do find time to sleep, much less dream.

As if my life hadn't become horrible enough, the Dark Lord had gifted me with the presence of Wormtail. I suppose some would consider it a sort of poetic justice, the spy who heard the prophecy that set the Potters into hiding, with the one who betrayed them to the Dark Lord, thrown together. I call it hell. Had I not detected the life-debt he owes Potter, I would have killed him already, and hang the punishment from the Dark Lord. But all I can do is make Wormtail's life miserable…as miserable as he helped make mine. And I have my own life-debts to repay as well…

Which is why I suspect Dumbledore finally gave me the Defense position. I think he believes I will not live out the year, and I'm not so sure I don't agree. Which means that I must be certain that Potter knows all that he can to defeat the Dark Lord. As if he'd listen to me. He won't, of course, the arrogant little prat, just like his father. Oh, yes, I heard about his little 'teaching' experiment last year; I'm sure he feels himself far above further instruction. But these _children_ must realize what they are dealing with. They don't realize how lucky they were to survive the battle at the Ministry last year. They would all have died, had Dumbledore not shown up. If the Dark Lord is to be defeated, I must get through to them.

I've been pacing too many nights lately. The thick rugs in my bedchamber have paths worn through; I must remember to replace them. Maybe I've exhausted myself enough to sleep now.

_I'm hanging upside down in the air. James Potter is laughing, everyone is laughing._

"_Let him down!" says Lily Evans._

"_Certainly," replies Potter, and moments later, I thump to the ground hard. Jumping up, wand ready, Black shouts _"Locomotor mortis!" _and I fall over again._

"_LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouts, pointing her wand at Potter and Black._

"_Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," says Potter._

"_Take the curse off him, then!"_

_Potter turns to me, mutters under his breath, and I am free again. Slowly, I try to stand up. "There you go," he is saying, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus—"_

_"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" (Oh, God, why did I say that to her? Why why why?)_

_Lily blinks at me. "Fine." She looks at Potter, then back at me. "If that's how you want to play—__" She raises her wand at me. "_Accio _wand!"_

_My wand flies out of my hand and into her waiting one. I am now defenseless, helpless, and the only person who dared to defend me now is pointing a wand at me._

_Lily flicks her wand, and again I hang upside-down in the air. James Potter is laughing, everyone is laughing. They take turns hexing and jinxing me, much like a cat plays with a mouse, until they grow bored._

I wake screaming.


End file.
